soul gone tilt (melee187) wrote,
soul gone tilt

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I've got a lot to say, but that isn't reason I'm writing today.
With any luck, all will be said, done and over with tomorrow. In fact, unless something goes awry, this journal will see its last entry in less than twenty-four hours.

It should come as no suprise--I can't remember writing here in over months and months.
Its been an experience, trekked across five years of my life, but I'll save all that for tomorrow.

Today, I'm simply making note in the bravery sobriety requires after so long in running. How much I'm enjoying the Sims Cd--or even better--the Illogic kick I've been on. And that I wish you could somehow see e-mail addresses on myspace without creating an account on that wretched website.
My cousins last two blog entries therein read I'm pregnant and It's a girl. I find it funny that somehow, through this fluke, I found out about it all before her father--my uncle, my mother or my grandmother.

All of which seemed iffy on it, which disappointed me. I want to e-mail her. Let her know I'm still out here.
Its all so strange to me, I remember when she was just a baby.

Now instead, I'm busy trying to remind myself she isn't--and that I'm still older than her yet. When I was a child, I liked the thought of being able to be whatever I wanted to be when I was grown. Now, time has taken care of its end of the bargin. I guess its time for me to begin on my end.
But what exactly is it that I want to be?
One of the best quotes I've ever read, I believe being from George Bernard Shaw, was "If you take too long in deciding what to do with your life, you'll find you've done it."
So... No time like the present, right?

24 hours and counting.

edited on 7/12/06
Obviously I've yet to make a "final" posting.
This is less from lack of writing on given date and more from lack of time to finish the entry in its complete magnitude.
What I've written is saved--and within the next few days--it'll be posted.

No need to rush the finale, I suppose.

In other news, I missed the Jurassic 5 show tonight because I forgot to put up ample enough notice in to work.
On the otherhand, I cooked their dinner. Straight up.

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Hey, long time no "see"!

Love that quote!
Its always been one of my favorites. =)
I'm glad to know your still out there, doing whatever it is that your doing:) Well I hope u get this:)
I'm glad to know the same.
Maybe sometime I'll actually be able to snag a conversation or two with you and "catch up," so to speak. The idea is almost legendary at this point.
yes yes, I would really like to talk to you. From what I know about you these days I know you still have a cell phone but I dont have the number, I have your home phone, lol I could never forget that it's in my brain forever. I think you work mostly evenings. I dont know the best time to call, just let me know. I still have my cell phone, incase you dont it's 704-858-3800 and I also have a home phone now it's 704-263-1638. I still have your book and please dont think I have forgotten about it, I dont plan on keeping it from u! I know I told u way back when but I really liked it, it helped me and helps me with the situation my family is having now. Well I love you and miss you more than u know. I dont want to go on wondering, whatever happened to Sean, whats he doing these days? I would like to be able to answer those questions for myself but I cant now:( Makes me sad and I know it's my fault. Anyways sorry for all that, you dont have to waste your time even thinking of a reply to all that but u do have to tell me when the best times are to call:) Otay I think I've said enough for now, well for right now at least. I really hope to talk to u in "real life" very soon.
Hey, first off--nothing is your fault! =)
I used to blame myself for the exact same thing, and if there is one particular side that fault could be placed on, I'd still argue it was on mine. However, after a little time and a lot of thought, I'd say its more just our roads in life met a fork. You've had a set of experiences and history that lay, not in a polar-opposite, but a slightly different direction than those that I now hold in my memory. Obviously, given the way things turned out, I believe this is the way things should've gone. Not that I believe in fate, but I think things that worked out in your life were probably mean't to work out that way. The same way that I'm sure in a year all of these things that I can't come to grasp yet will somehow find themselves making some brand of sense.
And any of this isn't to say that we're so far down our "roads" we can't still meet in the middle... Or that they won't cross again with the same destination in sights ever again. Its just some random analogy that, in some strange way, seems to make sense when I start to beat myself up over falling out of touch.

Thanks for throwing your cell (and home phone!) back at me though. I had actually lost it since the last time you'd given it to me. I've also gotten a "new" phone since then too, meaning I bought Brad's old phone, but still a new phone to me--in terms of a completely new phonebook to program numbers in. I'm going to put both of your numbers in there and give you a call in the next few days, given I can find a time I'm not worried about disturbing you in the process.
I generally work from 4 to close at Cabo, meaning my day is cut to where I'm either calling people early afternoon or late at night, which I'm always a little apprehensive on. Half the people I talk to don't mind and stay up late regardless, but I'm always weary of catching the other half on the wrong night when they have to get up in the morning. Things like that kinda take the "good to hear from you" vibe right out of a conversation, I've found.

Finally, don't worry about the book.
Honestly, I'd already forgotten about it myself. Besides, the way I look at it, if the book brought you any kind of solace or peace of mind for a few moments in time--then it's as much yours as it is mine. I'm just glad to know that it helped a little. I really liked the author in that she brings a very down to earth, psuedo-modern look into buddhist philosophy. Beyond that, her description of the events after her (now ex) husband revealed his infidelity were priceless.
But seriously, I was very sorry to hear about you and your families loss. I didn't know what to say, and beyond this, still don't--but it doesn't mean I'm not sorry, and you have my condolences.

That being said, I think I've finally typed enough for the night and look forward to going to bed. Frying up all those fish tacos wore me out.. ahah.
Here's to the next time we talk filling my ears with the sound of your voice--and not a clattering keyboard.
just incase you still haven't gotten the chance ignore this but if you did resend that email....I didn't get it. Okay no pressure lol just letting you know incase you did;)


August 18 2006, 00:23:24 UTC 11 years ago

Actually, I did.. So I have no clue what the hell is going on.


11 years ago

uh, yeah. And that was me.
24 hrs for what?
On one hand, I don't care. Still yet, on another curious level, why advertise the fact you don't read my entries?
they don't always pop up on my friends page. Plus... I don't always read the LJ.
I've thought of all kinds of asinine ways to point out to you that the answer to your question is within the first three sentences of this same entry where you asked, but eventually they all just melted away beside the fact that this will probably be the last livejournal comment I ever send you.

So, all things considered, who cares right?
Good luck Kris. Take care.
I wasn't going about you first, then I noticed I was standing on the way and didn't post a comment, then after reading your entries I decided there might be a lead... an intelligence to approach your gravity of life experiences. After all I'm screwed and have only this imaginary straw left to compete for a next one... But I didn't comment about My difficulty, my problems, because it tells me you're more while this life.

Be it to rid of it or to pond a new question, and an equivalent answer to it, I don't care - I've got all the answers for the moment, but not the tone? What tone?

Tell me what, are you good in clairvoyance, silence or this strenght in night? Can you say when you see snakes in people's voices, tones?
Are you still
still breathing?

Do you remember me?

I wonder if you'll get this.